You're NOT The Average Of The 5 People You Surround Yourself With

You're not an average, you're more of a byproduct of the feelings they leave you with.

Dear Zedites,

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” — Jim Rohn

We might be challenging a widely accepted truth—a belief that has led some people to change their social circle entirely, but we’ll break it to you anyway… this statement is not entirely true.

We’ve extensively written in the past about how surroundings shape your future and the significant impact they have on the person you become in life but surroundings don’t necessarily mean the ‘five people you spend most of your time with’.

You might pick up some habits from them, maybe even some tips and tricks, who knows, you might even start speaking like them after a while, but who you become, is ultimately dependent on how they make you feel, not ‘what they do around you’.

The group you’re in or the social circle you surround yourself with, will consist of different personalities that function on very different levels—of motivation, of thought processes, of habits, vibes, mindsets and so on. You don’t become the average of those traits. You become the byproduct of the feelings that generated within you by staying with them.

A leader may emerge out of a group of recessive individuals who will follow the leader because they make for good followers. If you’re the leader in that group, you feel a sense of responsibility towards your tribe. You don’t become recessive yourself. The ability to command, to manage, to set direction, to fight when necessary, just in order to protect those who can’t protect themselves may emerge from being a slightly stronger personality amongst the five. The more time you spend with these individuals, the stronger these feelings get. The stronger these feelings get, the more confident you become to lead from the front.

Now imagine you’re in a group of highly efficient individuals, all of whom have leadership qualities, all of whom are ambitious and all of whom are ready to take on the world. But their toxic traits are visible from a distance. You don’t necessarily become toxic, but you feel burdened with the negativity that ensues within that group.

You might get straight A’s with them, you might take those leaps of faith you otherwise wouldn’t have, you might become someone that your parents or your loved ones wished to see you become but the feeling they’ve left you with, when you venture out into the real world alone, is that of negativity and malevolence. You then remember the feelings and nothing else.

How a person feels when they’re surrounded by the people they spend most of their time with, dictates what their personality outside that particular group will be like.

An incredibly successful entrepreneur will not necessarily churn out incredibly successful mentees. An under-confident parent will not necessarily have an under-confident child. Incredibly ambitious friends will not necessarily rub their ambition on their friends. Surrounding yourself with certain kind of people, is not a confirmed strategy of becoming like them. You ultimately fall back on feelings, not hard facts.

This reminds me of Ken, a friend of mine who spent a considerable amount of time with people that had mastered the the art of gossiping. A large chunk of their discussions was based on the lives of other people and no one had the guts to break this malicious trait because that’s how the group was formed. Ken felt horrible knowing that precious time was being wasted on something that he didn’t even enjoy in the first place.

According to the quote by Jim Rohn, Ken should’ve turned out just like his friends but those friendships had left such a bad aftertaste, that Ken decided to never be involved in any kind of gossip ever again.

At the end of the day, you’re not an average of personalities that surround you, you’re a byproduct of the feeling they leave you with.

However, one thing remains common. In both cases, you ought to choose your circle wisely.

That’s our 4 minutes for today.

See you on Sunday,

Aamer